20110516

After the Old Rush

So here we are - the numbers are in, the dance is done, and Mr. Nanos can retire back to obscurity for another five years, relegated to the same obscurity as delegated to Jacques Rogge. (If you don’t know who Roggge is, I’ve made my point - if you don’t know who Nanos is, fuck you - seriously).

We find ourselves more divided as a nation than ever before. “Le Bon Jack” has convinced Canadians that support of the unions in Canada and anti-conservatism is one and the same ,which could be considered his greatest triumph, even more so than pissing on the carpet of the Bloc. So now we can look forward to an orange clown car parking in front of the Parliament building, accompanied with midgets and soda bottles, unloading all 103 MPs in a bunch, with all the discipline, focus and message that would accompany such a show.

It’ll be easier to get a gaggle of 6 year olds on a caffeine drip to focus on Carl Sagan reciting the Encyclopedia Britanica than it will be to get these untested freshmen to avoid embarrassing themselves. But at least there are 103 of them.

For yours truly it is a much greater tragedy to see the demise of the last Great Canadian Party and the return of Iggy to academia where, let’s be honest, he belonged the whole time. He did a heroic job of pointing out all of the abuses of power, the shifty deals, the arrogance of the ruling party and the general disregard for tradition and democracy exhibited by his pale-eyed opponent, and was punished squarely for assuming that The Nation actually gave a shit, or even a squirt.

When Jason Kenney is shoving the nose cone of an F-35 up Shiela Fraser’s ass, I’ll personally slap the first son of a bitch who complains silly. I would slap them stupid, but I wouldn’t want to waste my energy with redundancies.

And then there is the Consevative Party - the Victors Victorious. All credit should be given to the machine which wrangled enough votes through precise mircromanagement of demographics, splitting the votes of potential conservative voters away from the undecided votes of NDP and Liberal scrums. It was the key to their success.

Dead is the notion of providing a unified, national message, replaced with market segmented messages, all the way down to individual funding for parks and fire stations. Who needs a coherent and rejuvenating vision for the future when the Prime Minister personally installs a new stop sign at the end of your street?

But really, two groups must be singled out for their contribution to the new Canadian political landscape: New Canadians and the Boomers.

It is not possible to look at the role of New Canadians without appearing to be racist, so here we go: New Canadians vote on the basis of Crime and Punishment and Low Taxes. Is that racist enough for you?

Once cannot equate Chinese Canadians in Vancouver with Punjaibis is Brampton. That is the point. It is the strength of incumbency that can provide the low taxes that new business owners in the GTA need at the same time as they provide the promises of increased policing and prison capacity that can register with New Chinese immigrants in gang-heavy areas of British Columbia.

And here’s the rub: The Liberal Party of Canada has been unable to strategically identify specific issues that can apply equally to groups that lay between the NDP and Liberal Party, thereby preventing the split in the vote that was their downfall.

You can’t, in good faith, blame New Canadians for voting their values. Many of them have grown up in environments whereby the notion of initiating an election - a very new concept for many of them - based on the failure of a government to adequately publicize the expenses of a fighter jet or prison purchase seems a little bit silly.

It is difficult to criticize South Asians who have fought hard for the preservation of their democratic rights for a half a century (as opposed to the rest of us who have been fighting for a century and a half).

It is much easier to blame East Asians to whom the notion democracy is very difficult to distinguish from the type of anarchy to which they ascribe the Tien an Men protests. The Law and Order principles of the Conservative Party Line up perfectly with their natural desire for law, order, peace and harmony. It may be easier to blame them, but I won’t.

The fact is, the New Canadians voted to their values and you can’t take that away from them. It was a failure of the Liberal Party to provide an alternative narrative to them that was the source of their loss. The true betrayal belongs to The Boomers.

I don’t mean to say that you should kill your grandparents, but if you want to change the political landscape of this country - seriously - kill your grandparents. I’m just saying.

While the Chinese Canadians were starving under their latest 5 year plan and the South Asians were shooting each other for the sake of the familial ambitions of individual elite families, Baby Boomers in Canada were busy drinking, smoking and dosing themselves into oblivion. They made great progress in providing an alternative to the Protestant work ethic.

While India and Pakistan fought each other to the death, while China struggled through a cultural revolution in which all vestiges of anything that meant a damn to East Asian culture was destroyed piece by piece, the boomers in North American disassembled anything that mattered a damn into tiny pieces - personal responsibility, sexual responsibility, humility, any source of adult respectability was discarded in a vague attempt to capture a childlike sense of freedom relegating the notion of liberty to the equivalent of vigorously playing in a sandbox.

Now that the bill has come due we see the true face of the baby boomers in Canada. As the Boomers come close to retirement we see them become less and less amenable to any kind of taxes which may assure the health care system which allowed them to beat cancer, diabetes and heart disease, regardless of the poor choices they made to supplement themselves with these afflictions. No, in fact, now that they’ve cashed in on the system that protected themselves from their poor choices they are more than willing to prevent the same opportunities from being available to their children and grandchildren.

The government of Canad is in debt. Even the promises of the Conservative Government to reduce or eliminate the deficit by 2014 have proved to be nothing more than bullshit jn the wind. Now that the Boomers have “got theirs” it really doesn’t matter if the Conservative government’s election promises will eliminate the prospect of erasing provincial transfer payments. These are the guarantor of the public health care coverage which was the promise of all Canadians.

There were two main components that were the source of the Conservative Party’s victory. The first - New Canadians - cannot be blamed for voting to their values: peace/ security and low taxes. The Liberals can be faulted for failing to appeal to them. However, the Baby Boomers are absolutely blame for the upcoming disaster which faces our governments, just like acid rain, the reduction of the ozone layer and the ridiculously high price of gas, the failure of centrist Liberalism to find a middle ground between “I got mine” conservatism and “fuck the system” NDP support can be squarely placed in the laps of the Boomers.

“I hope I die before I get old.”

This is a satire blog, and I have been unable to be funny for most of this post, so here is a joke:

Q: “What’s the difference between a Conservative and a Baby Boomer?”

A: “Not a Goddamned thing.”

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